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coercive control

Coercive control in a relationship

  The concept of coercive control has gained significant attention in recent years. This insidious form of abuse involves a pattern of controlling behaviors that can trap a person in a web of manipulation, intimidation, and domination.

  What is Coercive Control?

  Coercive control is a term that describes a pattern of behavior used by an individual to dominate, manipulate, and intimidate their partner in a relationship. Unlike physical abuse, coercive control operates on a psychological level, leaving lasting emotional scars that can be just as damaging as physical harm. This form of abuse is often characterized by a range of controlling behaviors that gradually diminish the victim’s sense of autonomy and self-worth.

  Key Characteristics of Coercive Control:

  Isolation: Perpetrators of coercive control often seek to isolate their victims from friends, family, and support networks. This isolation makes it more challenging for the victim to seek help or escape the abusive relationship.

  Monitoring and Surveillance: The abuser may engage in excessive monitoring, constantly checking the victim’s whereabouts, phone messages, and online activities. This surveillance instills a sense of constant scrutiny, eroding the victim’s privacy and sense of independence.

  Intimidation: Coercive control involves the use of threats and intimidation to instill fear in the victim. This can range from explicit threats of violence to subtler forms of intimidation, such as menacing looks or gestures.

  Emotional Abuse: Emotional manipulation and verbal abuse are common tactics employed by those practicing coercive control. Insults, degradation, and constant criticism erode the victim’s self-esteem, making them more reliant on the abuser for validation.

  Financial Control: Abusers may exert control over the victim’s financial resources, restricting their access to money and making them financially dependent. This control tactic can further hinder the victim’s ability to leave the relationship.

what is coercive control

  Examples of Coercive Control:

  Understanding coercive control involves recognizing the various manifestations of controlling behavior. Some examples include:

  Gaslighting: The abuser denies the victim’s experiences, manipulates facts, and distorts reality to make the victim doubt their own perceptions and sanity.

  Isolation: The abuser systematically isolates the victim from friends, family, and support systems, creating a dependency on the abuser for emotional and practical needs.

  Monitoring and Surveillance: The abuser constantly checks the victim’s phone, social media accounts, or location, creating an atmosphere of constant surveillance.

  Threats and Intimidation: The abuser uses threats, both explicit and implicit, to create an environment of fear. This can include threats of physical harm, harm to loved ones, or other forms of retaliation.

  Emotional Abuse: Verbal insults, degradation, and constant criticism are used to chip away at the victim’s self-esteem and confidence.

  The Coercive Control Wheel:

  To better understand the dynamics of coercive control, the Coercive Control Wheel, developed by Dr. Evan Stark, provides a visual representation of the various tactics abusers use to exert control over their victims. The wheel identifies eight key tactics:

  Isolation: The abuser controls the victim’s social connections, isolating them from friends and family.

  Micromanagement: This involves controlling aspects of the victim’s life, such as their appearance, activities, and daily routine.

  Monitoring: The abuser surveils the victim’s activities, both online and offline, to maintain a constant awareness of their actions.

  Dependence: By controlling financial resources or access to necessities, the abuser fosters dependency on them.

  Threats: This includes explicit threats of harm, as well as more subtle forms of intimidation to instill fear.

  Intimidation: The abuser uses tactics like menacing looks, gestures, or displays of physical power to create an atmosphere of fear.

  Emotional Abuse: Verbal insults, degradation, and constant criticism erode the victim’s self-worth and confidence.

  Sexual Coercion: The abuser may use sexual manipulation or coercion to control and degrade the victim.

coercive control wheel

  Dealing with Coercive Control:

  Recognizing coercive control is the first step toward addressing it. Here are some strategies for dealing with coercive control:

  Educate Yourself: Understanding the dynamics of coercive control is crucial. Educate yourself about the signs, tactics, and impact of this form of abuse.

  Seek Support: If you suspect you are a victim of coercive control, reach out to friends, family, or support organizations. Having a support network is crucial for breaking the cycle of isolation.

  Document the Abuse: Keep a record of incidents, noting dates, times, and descriptions of the abusive behavior. This documentation may be useful if legal intervention becomes necessary.

  Establish Boundaries: Clearly communicate and assert your boundaries with the abuser. Be firm in expressing what behaviors are unacceptable.

  Safety Planning: Develop a safety plan that includes steps to take if the situation escalates. This may involve having a bag packed with essentials or identifying a safe place to go.

  Professional Help: Seek the assistance of mental health professionals, counselors, or therapists experienced in dealing with abusive relationships. They can provide support and guidance tailored to your situation.

  Legal Action: In extreme cases, legal intervention may be necessary. Consult with a lawyer or law enforcement to explore options such as obtaining a restraining order.

  Rebuild Independence: Work towards regaining control over your life by rebuilding independence. This may involve securing financial independence, reconnecting with social circles, and pursuing personal goals.

  Coercive control is a pervasive and damaging form of abuse that can be challenging to identify and escape. Recognizing the signs, understanding the tactics employed, and seeking support are crucial steps for victims to break free from the cycle of control and manipulation. By shedding light on this often overlooked aspect of abusive relationships, we can contribute to fostering awareness, empathy, and resilience in those affected by coercive control.

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